If you were to ask me what has changed in the last 2 hours since I wrote on this blog then I would have to utter the well known cliché.
"Everything, and nothing"
I knew, whist I was blogging this morning that I had previously arranged to go and view a couple of properties this afternoon at 3.30pm. However, I had half convinced myself that I should ring up the letting agent, and cancel the viewings, primarily because I had decided to give it one last shot with my girlfriend. I have recently blogged about deciding to undertake the AA program of recovery to the very best of my ability before arriving at a final decision.
Well that's all by the by now as I have just put down a £90 deposit on a property!
The property in question is neither of the ones that I had arranged to view today. Indeed after speaking to the lady in the office she told me that one would have been at least a 40 minute walk away from my place of work. The other was unable to be viewed because the current tenants were busy moving furniture to the flat above. She mentioned however that a nearby property had just come on the market and it seemed to suit my needs.
I went to look at it, and it most certainly does! I only wish I had taken some internal images!
I put these images on here because I feel that the likelihood of anyone recognizing it will be quite slim. Knowing my luck however the people who will be living in the flats above me will probably read this blog some day! In fact this image only shows the property and not my flat, as my flat is a basement flat and cannot be seen or accessed from the main road.
The flat is perfect!!
I really can't believe that I have found something that seems to tick every box. Of course it's not huge, but then again what can one expect for £411 per month. Yes that's right £411, what an odd number. In fact almost everything about this flat has a quirky feel to it! So many little nooks and crannies, storage space galore, odd angular windows and low ceilings. The place has such character, and despite being a basement flat it has a light and airy feel to it. Today has been quite drab and grey, and yet I could have easily read a newspaper in there without the need for a light.
There is a separate bathroom and toilet. In fact the are at opposite ends of the flat! I love the idea that they're separated like that! I mean.. Why! The bedroom is large and tastefully decorated, with a cottage like feel. Pastel colours are the order of the day. All the walls are white and door surrounds glossed. However, I did note that they could do with a re glossing, as they have lost their shine and brightness. This is something that I would gladly do. The lounge is very small. In fact this flat has perhaps the smallest lounge space that I have ever had. But that's great. It will be warm and cosy this winter. Again there are plenty of places for nick knacks. Lost of built in shelving.
All I have to do is to arrange for someone like 'Virgin Media' to come and install cable so I can get the internet and telephone. I am not to worried about TV as I really don't watch enough of it to justify the cost. I make do with the iPlayer and other such sites.
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'Half of me feels guilty, the other half feels relieved. Actually, it's about 30-70'. Niles Crane - Frasier |
I wish I could go back there now and walk around it. I really did get a good feeling as soon as I walked in. It feels secure, and tucked out of the way so to speak. I like that. Security is very important in a place, and I feel I will be able to sleep at night knowing that the flat is essentially unseen. Indeed as I mentioned above access cannot be gained from the traditional front door off the high street. One has to go around the back, up a small lane and through a high wooden solid gate.
Oh did I mention that when in the flat I will have my OWN patio! I say patio, it's more like a small space of concrete! But it's private, clean and it'll be my own private and clean bit of concrete! I can even dry my washing outdoors! What a luxury. You know, in a way I am a little sad in that my GF always wanted a small little area such as that. Somewhere to sit in the summer, or have a bar-b-cue. Oh well. Now is not the time for maudlin feelings, nor wallowing in emotionalism. I don't want to be brought down by anything right now.
I keep getting butterflies, and memories flood back in to my mind, as though in uncontrollable spurts. Memories of good days, and laughter. Of holidays, and kisses that meant something. Moments when all in the world felt right, as though the search was over. Memories of holding hands in the rain and of walking in sunshine, and feeling the warmth of her skin against my own.
I imagine that this is natural, and I will continue to feel this way for a while. Until the emotions subside a little. I must not forget that the beginnings of any relationship is filled with lovely moments and emotions. But also that only a very small percentage of relationships actually last any decent length of time. It's been 7 years for us, and to be fair that's not a bad innings. Those who last 20 or more years are either very lucky, and have had a good foundation upon which to build or fall back upon. Or they're just living in misery, and are to scared/lazy to part.
What I need now is strength....
Well, there is no going back now. I have made the decision and parted with money. I have shaken hands with the agent. It really is now or never.
It must be said that there is a chance that I will bump into my soon to be Ex GF in the local area, as the flat is quite close to where we currently are. If I do, then I will cope with it in a mature and respectful way.
What other way is there?
None.
I can hear gulls in he distance, and I am reminded of my childhood in Cornwall.
I will be single and living on my own within a week.
